Let's get this out in the open right now: the NFL draft can
Football sites are filled to the brim with content about current prospects, which team needs which position, trade possibilities, and stats galore.
It's enough to satiate even the most diehard football fans. I think we mostly get to a point where we throw our hands up and say "Enough already! Let's just get this over with!"
Well, in preparation for that moment, I've decided to have a little (harmless) fun with some of the prospects looking to cash in this May.
Thus, I present:
The 14 most Southern names in the prospective 2014 NFL draft class. You're welcome.
And for the record, this post has almost nothing to do with actual football. Just immature humor...anyway, here we go:
14. Willie Snead, WR Ball State
Willie Snead just sounds like the sturdy "Everyman" you think of when you think of hard work. But don't get it twisted, if he wasn't a darn hoot, he'd be "William" instead. There's a reason he goes by "Willie." There are Willie Sneads in every small town across the South. He's an honest man, who grew up in the area, and has no intentions of getting away. There's no place like home!
13. A.C. Leonard, TE Tennessee State
Mr. Leonard here sounds like the local plumber who shows up with a six-pack of Busch to tune up your Frigidaire. Initials are a huge indicator of redneckedness in the South. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Ol' A.C. here might be the life of the party!
12. Glasco Martin, RB Baylor
How cool of a name is Glasco, right? I mean this isn't just a Southern sounding name....this is a wild, wild west name. You know back then, Mr. Glasco would be opening up his general store for the public to come in and buy up the finest Sassafras this side of the Mississippi!
11. Odell Beckham, Jr., WR LSU
Juniors are another prominent naming mechanism in the South. What are the odds Odell here was referred to as "Junior" growing up? I'd say pretty good. The name just sounds smooth though....like country smooth. You'd likely think Odell is a pretty cool guy, but you'd know deep down....don't mess with the family.
10. Ed Stinson, DL Alabama
Doesn't this name just sound mean? "Mean" Ed Stinson is likely the hardass that turns heads every time he walks into an establishment. He is respected, but feared. You don't want to set him off, because that boy can throw down. No one is quite sure what Ed Stinson does for the local town, and they don't ask. They probably don't want to know....and that's assuming "Mean Ed" doesn't throw a fist down your throat just for asking.
9. Weston Richburg, C Colorado State
Ol' Mr. Richburg here probably stood among the Confederacy.
With a name that rings out "Civil War era," I'd bet Weston was a fine man to
have in the trenches. He's a strong man, stood firm, and walked tall...man's man
through and through.
8. Walt Aikens, CB Liberty
Ah! Our first Southern country musician! This list had to have at least one, and the name "Walt Aikens" screams "Grand Ole Opry." Walt probably grew up in the hills of eastern Tennessee, dreaming of the day his banjo would carry him to stardom.
7. Carrington Byndom, CB Texas
Carrington seems like a wily ol' codger from his days as prospector. Deep down, the gold he's chasing is in his own heart. Next time he starts one of his crazy stories from the good ol' days, don't roll your eyes. Let him go....to him, that means the world.
6. Silas Redd, RB USC
Does the name Silas even exist outside of the South? I don't know....I can't find any documented cases...though the only place I looked was my own memory. Oh well...moving along.
5. Andrew Jackson, LB Western Kentucky
What an esteemed name! Did you know – the 7th President of the United States was named Andrew Jackson, and he called Tennessee home. In fact, I reside not 5 miles down the road from his old plantation home. What a strong Southern name!
4. Joe Don Duncan, TE Dixie State
This list is pretty stacked with tight ends...is there a correlation? Who knows...but Joe Don Duncan is easily one of the 4 most southern names in this prospective draft class. Joe Don is the high-school jock that could grow a full moustache at age 12. He sure could pitch a damn good pigskin, too. That's what landed him the starting gig, and the plethora of cheerleaders. Unfortunately for Joe Don, high school ended. But don't think that's stopped him from trying to relive the glory days for the past 30 years!
3. Mister Cobble, DT Kentucky
Be extra careful around old man Cobble. He's a frail, but feisty old codger. Living every day to raise hell, Mister is a vibrant personality with a total disregard for reality. He's the one telling you "when I was your age, all we had to play with was a handful of acorns and a dead squirrel." Don't be fooled by his slick talkin' skills. He's just like you behind his charade of invincibility.
2. Gator Hoskins, TE Marshall
Okay – so his name is technically Harold. Harold Hoskins is
still a pretty Southern-sounding name....but he's billed as "Gator Hoskins." So
we'll go with that. Gator Hoskins is the toughest sumbitch walking the
Louisiana bayou. Don't test his patience, or he'll wrangle your ass into the
tightest headlock you've ever been in. Still, he's just a fun-lovin' country
boy who can be your best friend, but don't you dare get on his back side or you
might be pulling a spear out of your rear.
1. Crockett Gilmore, TE Colorado State
Easily, the most Southern name I found when researching this list. It's a true salute to the South...both contemporary and vintage. It's pristine, really. Crockett Gilmore is honorable, honest, fierce, and passionate. The quintessential Southerner.
So, there's that. Thank you for keeping up with all of my
This post comes from Stoney Keeley of The SoBros Network. You can follow the SoBros Network on twitter at @SoBrosNetwork, and read all of Stoney's work at The Southern Brothers Network
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